Humour Express

Three little boys were looking for a summer job. Their preacher needed some people to go around and sell Bibles, so the preacher hired two boys without even thinking twice. He was hesitant about hiring the third boy because he suffered from a speech impediment, but hired him anyway. So after the first day of work, they all met back at the church. The preacher looked at the first boy and asked him, "How many bibles did you sell?" The boy stood up and said, "35." "Is that all you sold?" the preacher asked. "He looked at the second boy and asked him the same thing. The boy said, "75." "That's good," the preacher replied. He didn't want to ask the third boy but did. The boy with the speech impediment said, "I-I-I s-s-sold 175." The preacher was amazed and asked the boy how he managed to sell all those Bibles. He said, "I-I-I t-t-t-t-told them to b-b-buy t-t-t-t-them or I will r-r-read it to t-t-t-t-them."
One summer afternoon, a guy walking along the beach finds a bottle. He pulls out the cork, and a genie appears and tells him he has three wishes. "But," the genie says, "I have to warn you, whatever you receive, your worst enemy will get twice as much as you." "OK," says the guy, "first, I want ten million dollars." The genie grants the wish and reminds him that his worst enemy now has twenty million dollars. "Next wish, I want a thirty-room mansion in the Bahamas." The genie builds the mansion for him, and lets him know that his worst enemy now has a home twice as big. "Fine. For the last wish," the guy picks up a big stick and hands it to the genie, "beat me HALF to death."